For Learning Disability Awareness Week 2024 this question, “Do you see me?” posed by Mencap is so deep and so profound, whilst simultaneously distressing, disappointing, and painful that it even merits consideration.
It is a sad travesty of the 21st century, an inditement of the way society has stood idly by as people who happen to be learning disabled or autistic continue to be removed from normal life, often placed hundreds of miles from loved ones, purely because of the label applied to them and acquired through no fault of their own. Whoever asked to be born with a learning disability? Society is guilty as charged being both judge and jury. But is it really so difficult? We – you and I – can make a difference, in fact a quantum difference to an individual and their family if we are minded to do so. We can cross the road to say hello. And before parting extend our hand in friendship with a genuine invitation to join us for coffee affording an opportunity for real conversation allowing ideas to flow, common ground to be discovered, sowing seeds for future collaborations or voyages of discovery.
In many ways, are people with learning disabilities so dissimilar to many older people, or people on the spectrum without any diagnosis? They can be very demanding, insistent and set in their ways, often very controlling with learnt behaviours as they seek to exercise influence over their lives. This may include challenging body language such as too close, too loud, too aggressive for normal social interaction. Or pushing support away believing they’re able to manage effectively eg. Not being able to accept help to prepare a meal because the carer might poison them, instead happy to have a stale scone and cheese considering that to be a perfectly adequate main meal. ‘We don’t need help’ ‘We’re perfectly fine’ Or considering themselves perfectly capable of dressing themselves and deciding what to wear from donning cool summer clothes in winter, to full sparkles regalia for an outing to the beach, or the same clothes day on day on day without regard to the need to introduce them to a refreshing douse in the washing machine once in a while.
Do you see me? We could ask ‘Why don’t you see me?’ Or ‘Do you want to see me?’ Can I help you to see me? Or how about ‘Can we make the world a happier place together?
Do you see me? Is a question we can apply to any and every person.
We all have an outer presentation and an inner soul. Whether an introvert or an extrovert, most of us who are not labelled learning disabled find ways to support both personnas. Speaking from personal experience I am my happiest most fulfilled self when both personnas (inner soul and external self) are supported successfully. Though I openly confess that Jen has played a huge part in helping me overcome much of my extreme shyness – shyness which prevented me from asking other mums at the school gate to bake a few mince pies for the Christmas Fair, opting instead to make more myself.
We cannot hide our external self, though on occasion we may prefer to such as when we’ve indulged in foods our body reacts negatively against exploding in spots and boils, weight gain or loss, and more. Or nails bitten to the quick. So often these ‘problems’ are the outward signs of inner challenges we don’t have the ability or the language to share, or support within our current circles, but which we must share and find solutions if we are to overcome and move to a better place.
And what of the inner soul? Is it nourished? Is it nurtured? Do you have people who understand and care enough to support you? If your pent up passion struggles to be heard fulfillment and happiness will pass on by.
Malcolm and I could have ignored Jen’s desire to follow her aspirations in dance and instead ‘conformed’ by agreeing (on her behalf) for her to go to the foundation course at the local college. It would have suited Social Services and the Special Needs Careers Advisory well, but we would have been selling our soul along with Jen’s right to a life of her choosing. So the answer was a deafening ‘No Thank you’ from all of us with Jen’s final comment ‘I want dance not drama’ left resonating in our ears. Ironically it then transpired that he himself was a keen Munro bagger so whilst he didn’t need the support of others to attain personal fulfillment, the system saw it as OK to suggest to Jen that she should ignore her calling, a life in dance sharing her passion and leading others, BECAUSE she has learning disabilities.
So what of the outcome of standing our ground searching for, and eventually jointly creating our own route to Jen’s future happiness?
Just one year ago Jen was recognized for her contribution to people with disabilities and awarded the British Empire Medal by King Charles 111 in his first birthday honors list.
What gives any of us the right to write off that nugget of gold found in our inner souls, whether or not we happen to have learning disabilities.
Happily Jen loves the limelight soaking up ever more improbable accolades as they festoon her path through life, whilst I indulge my own preferences whether in a small tent with beautiful views, out on the ocean, or on top of the mountains. But we’re always happy to receive invitations to share the powerful messages within this extraordinary story in order that others can take hope, believe in the Art of the Possible, and weave magic yet to be discovered into lives in countless unimaginable ways in the future.
I came across this recently and it felt perfect to share this week. Thanks to so many people, including Sian Lockwood here at the ADASS conference 2016, for seeing Jen and others like her who aren’t defined by a label, but are seen for who they are – Jen is a dancer, and “an inspirational ambassador for people with disabilities”.
Thank you for seeing us and helping Jen find her way to follow her dreams.