So following #Carersweek, what’s changed?  Has the government heard the plea for help from family carers crying out for better support or from MP Caroline Dinenage who held a debate in the House of Commons last week? Carers need help now, not in the future, but right now.  And not lip service only met with platitudes.  They are hurting and hurting badly.  They are a hidden minority who are rarely heard, rarely listened to, but doing what is possibly the hardest job of all – attempting to smile, be considerate, kind, giving 24/7 no matter what.  I know from 31 years of firsthand experience just how hard that is.

Opportunism – there truly is a 3^rd way.

By Saturday I had a glow in my heart and a spring in my step, and delighted to share it’s all still there well into the following week, and in spite of being another year older!

Back in my hands-on caring days when I attempted to have some sort of life by dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s, whilst trying to put a good spin when in public on the challenges in my mind, the furrows on my brow and the weight on my shoulders (and bearing in mind that I have never been challenged by physical lifting or hoists or tube feeding), I sought to continue to be ‘me’ through my music.  Obviously I was very careful not to earn more than £100/week in order not to jeopardise my hugely rewarding £53/week carers allowance from our incredibly generous government.

Last Saturday morning I spoke with both of our children living their respective lives.  Not unusual for many families, but hugely unusual for us!  Both were in good spirits, but Jen particularly (41 year old dancer who happens to have learning disabilities), having just returned home after staying for 48 hours with a very special person in her life, a friend for over 15 years who has incredible empathy and ability to read between the lines.  Jen enjoys chatting with her most weeks, but staying over is rare, a once a year treat.  She was so incredibly buoyed up by the experience.  It had obviously been hugely successful and put her in a great place from where to enjoy the rest of her weekend – including her team of choice, Man City winning their 3^rd trophy of the year on Saturday night.

But I too was in a good place.  I spoke with both Jen and Anthony to let them know that we were going off grid for several days, but it all came about through opportunism.

Monday of Carers week was my birthday.  It’s never good to be woken at 3am by the anchor alarm, but even less so on your birthday! My hopes of a relaxed breakfast swinging at anchor followed by kayaking and climbing the nearby hummock for great views of the yacht and mountains disappeared in an instant.  Instead we weighed anchor and set off to ‘we knew not where’.  There was no game plan.  We were barely even awake.  To boot I was shivering with cold not being properly dressed for sailing at that hour. After much dithering and deliberation with aggravation levels increasing we eventually decided on East Loch Tarbert.  But the closer we got, the less desirable the anchorages became, and we were running out of options.  So finally, at 7.30am we bit the bullet and called the marina who kindly took pity on us and found us a berth.

We had worked so hard to try to protect that one day, to be alone, away from the 21^st century, at one with the wilds of the natural world.  My heart felt physically heavy, leaden even.

From that low we gradually regrouped. That afternoon the only activity I could begin to face was to walk, and for me the need is always to walk up, so we walked to the highest local summit helping heal body and soul.  Over the next few days including charity zoom calls and work we investigated local opportunities, shared many a smile with passers by, enjoyed the fare of the community café and Laura’s Larder on the quay, socialised with other sailors, pondered where to next.

But the turning point came with music.  A chance notice advertised a fundraising concert.  We found ourselves drawn in by beautiful acapella singing, enchanting, bewitching, engaging young talent on display had us captivated.  No words could do them justice whether instrumentalists, singers, soloists or groups.  I am so glad that we stopped by.  That smile in my heart is still sustaining me.

Having finally decided it was safe to sail through the Sound of Harris, and thinking maybe Taransay , another chance conversation with a local fisherman on Friday night opened our eyes to ‘the art of the possible’.  With the weather so settled we could get to St Kilda! West of the Outer Hebrides is one thing, but 40 miles offshore to St Kilda is quite another!  So beautiful St Kilda, here we are!

2 fabulous days at anchor in Village Bay caldera.  Sheer bliss with no connectivity!  Such a warm welcome, freedom to roam the whole island, one of only 12 UNESCO World Heritage sites of both cultural and natural significance, the largest gannetery in the world, soay sheep only found here, an incredibly informative museum with excellent resources, awe inspiring cliffs with sheer drops plunging into the ocean below, and the most amazing views along razor sharp ridges.  On top of which, who could ever have foreseen an army landing craft ghosting by just feet away at 3am this morning!!

So from my low just one week ago when birthday plans were scuppered, I now have riches and outcomes I could never have foreseen.  As soon as I do have connectivity again, my priority must be to subscribe to the St Kilda Club, a small charity asking for a very modest annual donation to support the preserving of St Kilda and all that it represents for future generations.  It’s the very least I can do.

I wish opportunism as a way of being to all.  But particularly to all carers.  Options in life are there for us all, but having the eyes to see, along with the time and the energy to investigate and orchestrate can prove challenging or daunting, or seemingly impossible.  Which is where I for one need support.

I would never be where I am in my life now if I didn’t have the support of numerous others on this improbable journey leading ‘who knows where’.  But I strongly advocate it.  When achieved you – the family carer – are set free to be your own person, and your loved one is fulfilled, living life and loving life.